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Zrinka

Zrinka

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The New Foundations of Evolution: On the Tree of Life
Jan Sapp
Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James So this goes for the entire trilogy. Ugh. Horrible.
(This will be funnier if you've already read the awful books, but I wouldn't recommend it.)
So it's a modern day frog-turns-prince fairytale. All the pretty rich dirty little frog needs is unconditional love, and it's love and hearts and flowers everywhere. Oh, and it's an abusive relationship. But he loves her. Ahhh, heartwarming. If you want to read it just because of all the kinky fuckery, don't. It's not worth over a 1000 pages of reading time. (I can't believe I actually read all of it. Thankfully, I had a cold and didn't go to work, so I finished all of it in 5 days and found my release.) Actually, it's quite vanilla. Just when Anastasia (sorry, Ana) starts loosening up and you think you'll read something interesting, no. That's where the author starts with the cutoff scenes and digresions. Not to mention that the author copy-pasted one sex scene over and over again. The writing style doesn't even deserve a comment.

I had so many OMGs and WTFs in my PDFs that I don't know what to write. I was so annoyed reading the last 200 pages I woke up my roommates. Still, a few examples are in order.
"I make decisions based on logic and facts. I have a natural gut feeling (...)" WTF
"She could be in her late thirties, maybe in her forties. It so difficult to tell with older women." Oh, crapola!
"He has a hotline to my groin." i.e. her inner goddess
"I mutter and take a welcome sip of cool water. Oh my." WTF with the oh-mys
also annoying: every single "men are like that" piece of shitty advice, and repetitions of "his happy trail", "recently fucked hair", "fair point well made", "bare feet", "his eyes darken", "holding me firmly in place", etc.
Also, all the BDSM characters are evil or have had a traumatizing childhood. Very 3D.
The insecurity of those two... Boring.
The ungrateful brat Anastasia from the beginning of her sexual experience usually comes two times when they have sex. And the first time he comes before her, she's unhappy??!! Yeah, you really do love him.
What's with the subconscious and the inner goddess?? It's funny once of twice, not after every sentence Grey says. Rolling my eyes at you, EL James.
And at the end, the story starts all over again but from Mr. CEO's point of view. So what, I am now supposed to re-read all of this because now I know from the start what Grey is like and why and what he might be thinking, so it's double fun?? HELL NO!! (shouty capitals)
Oh, and Mr. Grey, you don't like condoms? Boo-hoo! I don't care. Get a vasectomy.